Itchy Bottom Dog
I once had a dog with a peculiar habit,
Sat down on his bum with knees up like a rabbit,
He’d proceed to move forward reaching paw over paw,
Whilst dragging his bottom around on the floor.
My mum wasn’t pleased having seen what he’d done,
As he’d written his name on the floor with his bum,
He spun and he turned as he moved ‘cross the floor,
And gathering pace headed out of the door.
He seemed to be writing a list of demands,
Which he wanted applied across all of the land,
A new bill of rights for all dogs and their friends,
He wanted the suffering of canines to end.
He wrote that dogs don’t like to chase after sticks,
Do poodles like bows in their hair? Not a bit!
The wearing of collars and walks in the park,
The chasing of cats and then having to bark.
Having another dog sniff at your bum,
With shouts from your owner of “Come Rover, Come!”
Eating cheap dog food and wagging your tail,
And being told off for just chewing the mail.
Balancing biscuits on top of your nose,
Or having to sleep on someone’s old clothes,
Catching a frisbee whilst up in the air,
And getting complaints about shedding your hair.
People don’t realise dogs are like us,
They don’t like to walk when they could catch the bus,
They’d like nothing better than a house and a job,
To get rid of “Rover” and replace it with “Bob”
But dogs have to grasp that they cannot be us,
They just can’t compete with us humans because,
They can’t write things down with no opposable thumbs,
So they’re forced on the carpet to write with their bums…
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